These are not absolute truths, but they are definitely worth mentioning.

The world is full of apathy, but nobody seems to care (Mike)

Where there is a will, there is an inheritance tax (Linda)

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines (Liz)

If you had your left arm cut off, your right arm would be left (trillian)

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic (Taylor)

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive (Woody)

God must love stupid people, he made so many  (Woody)

The gene pool could use a little chlorine  (Woody)

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps  (Woody)

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That  (Woody)

HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig  (Woody)

Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research  (Woody)